Narcissus is my favorite flower, thank you
by MuteOrchid
Summary: From the beginning, you didn't trust me. It's completely understandable why. As our friendship grew, however, I couldn't help falling for you. (One-sided MC x Jaehee because I hate myself.)


From the beginning, you didn't trust me.  
I can totally understand why: a random stranger pops suddenly into a messenger app that only members of your organization should be able to access, without any hacking knowledge what-so-ever, and the chat room becomes more chaotic than the seventh layer of Hell on the first day. At first, everyone was wary- with good reason. It was easy to earn the trust of the collective group within the first day- except for yours. Yours, I had to work for.  
It wasn't easy, and we both know that. Mainly due to your boss's expectations for you and your workload growing steadily with each and every day. I wanted to take some of the burden off of your shoulders, or offer you a massage to maybe get rid of some of the strain in them. Gradually, through talking more casually with each other and the others in the chat rooms, we became friends.  
However, I never thought of us as such.  
In truth, I'd already fallen for you, though I always had a hunch you wouldn't reciprocate my feelings. Or, even notice them at all. No matter how many times I flirted with you, defended you, helped you figure out your own ambitions and dreams, you never saw me that way. Girls don't flirt with other girls, I know the whole speech- I've heard it all my life.  
When I heard your backstory, and how horribly those people treated you, I was angry. I wanted to hold you tight and not let go until you _knew_ that you deserved none of that. No one does. I wanted to let you know how much you mattered. I wanted to show you that you're a flesh-and-blood human being with hopes and dreams and ambitions for her future. Not just some company drone meant for doing the work the executive doesn't want to deal with. I told you to go after that coffee project, and I could tell that your eyes lit up when you could bring it up. You were excited, and, for quite possibly the first time in your two years of service to Jumin, you wanted to do this work. Of course, you tried to clam your ambitions towards the project and shoot for the other work, but I urged you to go after your dreams. And you did.  
Yes, through all of that struggle, there's triumph. You didn't necessarily get in trouble with Jumin, he wasn't too angry with how things had turned out. You were able to live a dream: become friends with Zen, though I can't help but feel jealous. Towards you, I was able to keep a face on; I knew that just fangirling with you would be sufficient to keep our friendship together. I wasn't all about Zen though. Not at all.  
I wanted to see you live the good life- you deserve it, after all. Your growing relationship with Zen showed that I chose the good path. I'm content with just watching you live your life happily with whoever you want. Even if it isn't me.  
Your smile was so bright the day of the party when you asked me to be your partner for the cafe. Of course, I accepted, who in their right mind wouldn't?! Every day that we worked together was a blessing, even with only a friendly relationship.  
But I can keep my feelings down. I've learned how to do that throughout my years of life. "I love you," I'd like to say. But I know I can't. I don't want to ruin what we have, and I know you won't feel the same way. You'd let me down gently, though, I know. And I love you all the more for it. It's not me making assumptions based around absolutely nothing. With how much emphasis you placed on being "friends," anyone would be able to take the hint. It makes me wonder if you've already figured out my feelings for you. And if you think I've already moved on, but I haven't.  
That day, when you asked me what my favorite flowers were, I didn't know how to answer. I wanted to know why, and you explained that it'd be for decoration around the cafe. You'd already placed yours down on an order form from a flower shop, so I told you the first one I thought of when I looked at you, "Narcissus." Your slight giggle at the name similar to "Narcissist" breathed life back into my whole day, and I held on to that sound until we saw each other the next day.  
When the flowers came in and were placed on every table, we got quite a few compliments on the floral decor. Everyone seemed to enjoy them, especially when the rest of the RFA paid us a visit. Yoosung and Zen appreciated the beauty, with Luciel cracking a joke at Yoosung's expense, and Jumin likened the small decorations to his cat's fur. Knowing Luciel, he probably knew what was meant when you mentioned which was my flower. His body language and the slight, knowing grin on his face told me as much, but he thankfully said nothing on the subject.  
My dear, my favorite flower is not the Narcissus. It could never be. A flower confessing the one-sided, unrequited love between me and you would only play more foul than fair.


End file.
